


(You Are) What I Never Saw Coming

by watercolouredreams



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Joe isn't good with verbalizing feelings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:21:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22193968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watercolouredreams/pseuds/watercolouredreams
Summary: Joe may not be able to say it in so many words, but he really does miss Ben too.
Relationships: Ben Hardy & Joe Mazzello, Ben Hardy/Joe Mazzello
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24
Collections: Hardzzello Week 2019





	(You Are) What I Never Saw Coming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xofunghoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xofunghoul/gifts).



> This is written as a parallel piece to _[Oh, it's what you do to me](https://heybuddy-drabbles.tumblr.com/post/190138893337/oh-its-what-you-do-to-me-day-7-hardzzello)_ < and belongs in the _**[Parallel Hearts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20723411)**_ universe.
> 
> Also written as part of Hardzello Week 2019, prompt #7, 'Missing'.

**_You’re the sound of a song and I can’t get you out of my head_ **

**_(Parallel Hearts universe, near future)_ **

It’s time like this--late night when he’s tired from a long day, lying down in his bed, alone--that thoughts and feelings just hit him hard.

There is no other explanation, no other way around this awful feeling of emptiness at his side, and he wants to laugh at his former self from weeks ago who brazenly claimed that _it’s okay_ , this absence of warmth beside him at night, in bed, was _perfectly alright_ , after all he’s used to it, has always been. After all, he’s not much of the cuddling type, he can’t fall asleep all tangled with someone else’s limbs and warm dampness on his skin. He likes his space. He likes falling asleep under airy, dry sheet that keeps him neither too hot nor too cold. It's one of the reasons why he sleeps later than Ben too, preferring for the blonde to settle into slumber first before he would get into bed and fall asleep watching the gentle rise and fall of Ben's chest, his presence constant and calming. It works well for him, even from back when they were just buddies sharing space on the same bed. Except that of course, sometimes in the last couple of weeks, they kind of started being more than just that, and there's sex involved, all warm limbs and lips and fingertips everywhere on skin; it’s messy and invading. 

Ben loves being touched and kissed. And Joe loves Ben.

And when you love someone sometimes you just willingly let them fuck with your system like that, figuratively and literally, and the next thing you know, personal space very quickly becomes a distant memory; an obsolete concept.

And just like that, you lost your age-old sensibility and need for personal space and you hate your airy, dry sheet so much and would do anything, _anything_ , to trade it with lingering, wet kisses on hot skin, tangled warm limbs not knowing where does he or you begin or end. You’d kill to have a certain sleepy-looking blonde looking at you behind heavy-lidded eyes and smiling like a literal angel. And it drives you slightly mad.

Joe buries his face into the pillow he’s hugging, clearly a very poor and incomparable substitute, and groans loudly. Don’t get him wrong, it’s not like he’s miserable and unhappy--as a matter of fact, he can’t recall ever being this on the edge with emotions before--like everything is supercharged and threatening to run him over, and it feels so good in a very crazy way. _Like someone madly in love_.

He lifts his head slightly from the pillow, just enough to give a side-eyed glance to his phone on the nightstand, the very piece of rectangular metal that he just used an hour ago to send a “I’m home and going to bed now, good morning to you whenever you wake up” text, and he knows it’s still too early across the Atlantic, and Ben must be asleep still, but he’s kind of hoping that he isn’t and the phone would go _ding_ and there’s a reply from the younger man.

He counts to ten, and then twenty, and then buries his face into the pillow again, sighing heavily. 

_This is so fucking ridiculous, I’m not fifteen, this isn’t the first time I’m in love with someone_ \--

\--except that Ben isn’t just anyone, and sure, he isn’t his first, but he’s toying with the idea that maybe, just maybe, he would be his last. That maybe this happiness, this time around, is here to stay. For a long time. He’s not even asking for forever, he doesn’t harbour any fairytale-like illusion, but at least give him this lifetime, universe, _please_.

And realizing all this while being an ocean apart from Ben is pretty damn overwhelming, to say the least. Some people really seem to know what they were on about when they said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or bolder. So despite the more logical and rational part of his brain telling him not to, he reaches for his phone and tells himself, _I’ll ring him once, and if he’s asleep, then it’s okay too_.

Except that he doesn’t want it to be _okay_. He wants Ben to pick up so he could at least hear his voice.

“Joe?”

He closes his eyes and stops himself from breaking into a nervous laughter, because he never knew that hearing another person’s voice at the end of the line could make your heart almost jump out of your chest. 

He bites his lips instead. “Hey, Benny.”

“Is everything okay? It’s late.”

“Everything’s fine. Just couldn’t sleep.” He pauses to steady his heart. Then in the smoothest tone, he asks teasingly, “Think you might have something to do with it?”

Teasing is good. It’s great. He’s been told he’s very good at it.

“Me, why? Did you lie down and forgot to turn off the light again?”

He breaks into laughter then. Not nervous this time, just laughing, because he could see himself, and Ben, in bed, all tucked in and as he’s thinking things through in his head, much like what he’s doing earlier, he’d realize that he hadn’t switched off the lights in the living room. And Ben, half asleep, would get up without much of a preamble or warning. “I’ll get it,” he’d say, halfway through the bedroom door.

“No, I didn’t forget this time.” Joe says. In his head, he blinks and counts to five--that’s how quickly Ben would get back to bed--and he’d have the blonde’s back all tucked up against his chest and he’d hook a leg with his and Ben would pull his arms around him tighter as if they’re not already pressed as closely together as possible.

“Good.” Joe could almost, _almost_ feel the same feeling of warmth and closeness in Ben’s voice, travelling down his spine. He closes his eyes. “Joe--” he opens his eyes, still feeling warm all over. “I miss you. So _fucking much_.”

“See, that’s why I called,” he speaks softly so it doesn’t betray the fact that his breath is caught in his throat now. The younger man wears his heart bare and proudly on his sleeve. Joe doesn’t envy him for it, but sometimes he wishes he could do the same. Sometimes he wishes that Ben doesn’t have to always settle with touches and kisses just because he’s shit at telling him how he really feels. That he misses Ben too. So _fucking much_. He sits up on the bed, pillows propped up behind him. Screw sleep. He might as well admit he’s not gonna be able to catch any until he sees the blonde. “Let me see you? Can we FaceTime?”

“But it’s 3am there.” Ben puts up a feeble protest, but Joe knows him better than that.

"Come on. Let me look at you.” 

“Yeah, alright.” Joe is already smiling in anticipation even before the screen switches to FaceTime mode. When it actually does, his smile becomes wider. He can’t help it. Ben is lying down on his side, the sun filtering in from the window overhead and he’s _glowing_ , as he always does. There are traces of sleep still in his eyes, and he’s smiling a little, while the rest of him is bathed in morning sunlight, shining on his skin and blonde hair. Joe inhales deep. The longing to reach out and touch is so gut-wrenching and absolutely unbearable.

“Hey,” _I miss you. I really, really do_. “You look like you could use having me there hugging you from behind.”

“Yeah. I really fucking do.” It comes out with an exhale of his breath. Ben closes his eyes, expression darkening slightly, and Joe’s heart breaks a little. If only he’s not an ocean away. If only he’s there--

“I’d say I’ll take the first flight to London today, but we’ve already done that before.” Joe grins when Ben smiles again, his face lightening up in an instant. “And besides, I will be there soon, only a couple of weeks more.” _I promise. I’ll be there before you know it_.

"I know. It's ridiculous. I'm being ridiculous." He does this thing where looks like a sullen, little boy and Joe’s heart is possibly breaking in more than one place now.

"You're not. It's okay.” He tries sounding as concerned as possible. He really, _really_ wishes he’s there right now. Whenever Ben gets like this he’d stay as close to him as possible, one arm around him. Kiss him on his temple or cheekbone to get him to smile instantly again. But for now, with all these miles between them, this is the only thing he could do. “What can I do? What do you want me to do?”

"Do you have or know of someone who might own a teletransporter?"

"No, I don't. Sorry." Joe chuckles. At least he’s cracking a joke.

And pouting now. "It was a long shot," he shrugs. "Tell me--” he drags the vowel out. “Tell me what you want to do when you get here. Now that we’re together.”

Joe smirks. “Oh is this _that_ kind of FaceTime?”

“God no!” Ben blinks and instantly turns red before burying his face into his pillow, laughing. Joe feels his heart slowly becoming whole again. “No, I’m too sad for that right now. Although I’m loving the predisposition.”

“Anything for you, baby.” Joe wiggles his eyebrows and Ben laughs even harder.

“Stop it!” 

“Okay, okay. Let’s see.” He’s seriously thinking about it now, replaying their last time in London together. 

_I’d like to kiss you in the photobooth at the arcade_ . “I’d like a rematch at the arcade. Maybe rise the bet a little now.” Ben shakes his head and bites his lower lip with a smile. _And kiss you standing against the hardwood door of your London house_ . “Oh and you’ve ruined breakfast for me forever if it isn’t done by you.” _I’ll sit on your kitchen counter opening a bottle of wine, and we’ll drink it from the same glass. I’ll put my lips where yours were on the glass earlier._ “You know how disappointing my mornings are now?” _And I’ll steal bits of the scrambled eggs while you’re not looking, but you can tell anyway, I know_ . “So that’s another thing I’m looking forward to, your breakfast.” _And you’ll stand in front of me while I catch you between my knees, kiss you soft and slow and forget about eating breakfast for a while._

Ben is positively grinning now. He’s quite proud of his breakfast making skills, and there’s nothing wrong with that. “You just want me for my cooking abilities.” 

“No, no.” Joe says with a serious face now. “You have other abilities I appreciate, not just your cooking. But, like you said, we're not gonna go there,” Joe sighs dramatically.

“You’re insufferable.”

“And you miss me.” Joe says a little cheekily and closes his eyes for a bit. When he opens them again he blinks a few times, feeling like a yawn is creeping up somewhere.

“I do.” He stifles a yawn as Ben says this. “And you should sleep.”

“No, no it’s fine,” he says, but he does feel a little sleepy now, and there is actually a good chance of him finally getting some sleep now that he has seen and talked to Ben and heard him laugh.

“No, really. You should sleep and I should get up since I’m awake and have some breakfast and do something and stop thinking about you so damn much.”

“Never. Don’t want you to stop doing that.” he mumbles, trying not to yawn for the second time.

“Don’t worry, it’s very unlikely.” Ben rolls his eyes a little, but his cheeks are the right shade of blush and Joe is having a hard time processing the fact that he has something to do with that. Making Ben laugh and blush and miss him. He wouldn’t believe it for a hundred years if they are not actually having this video conversation right now.

“Good,” Joe is not a particularly religious man, he only ever goes to church for weddings or funerals. But he finds himself wishing and praying, these days. _God, please--_

“Okay, sweet dreams, then. Text me later?”

“Always.” 

“Ben?” He whispers, eyes already closed, although he could feel Ben’s eyes looking at him from the phone screen.

_\--just please._

“Yeah?”

“Miss you too.” He cracks his eyes open a little, just enough to see Ben smiling at him. It’s his kind of close-lipped, gentle smile that Joe loves so much.

“Goodnight Joe.”

_Let me keep my green-eyed, golden-haired, full-lipped, softly smiling happiness just this one lifetime._

**Author's Note:**

> So there you go. That's happening in Parallel Hearts' near future. Love it? Hate it? Tell me please? And Joe's (very belated) birthday post for Ben happened some hours after I'm done writing this. I'm taking that as a sign, guys, just sayin'.


End file.
